eharmony.com and the Sponge Bob haters

You know you've heard them -- those incredibly annoying ads on the radio for eharmony.com, the online dating site that promises to match people up people for life by asking them to fill out a lengthy questionaire to find out "the 29 dimensions of compatibility." (Yup -- there's 29, they've got it all figured out.)

We've heard them quite a bit, especially on sports radio WIP-610, where they seem to be often wedged between spots for Excitement Video and Delilah's Den. And we always thought there was something waaaaay off about them. For one thing, unlike their rival dating sites, the ads are completely sexless.

And, frankly, we'd rather spend eternity listening to a bunch of fat, drunken Mummers strumming an offkey "Fly Eagles Fly" over and over again on their banjoes than in wedded "bliss" with the whiny gals "who found my husband, Tom, on eharmony.com." (Hint: No real online dating site would ever woo single men with the word "husband," which is akin to using the words "cancer" or "death" in a cigarette ad.)

Then there's the annoyingly chipper founder, Dr. Neil Clark Warren ("most online dating sites give you a profile and a picture...). The ads are quite effective, however, because we have several friends -- solid "Blue-staters," all the way -- who've filled out the profile and signed up. Yet we still thought something was off.

And now, with an assist from some of the good people over at Daily Kos, we've figured out why.

It turns out that Dr. Neil Clark Warren comes straight out of Focus on the Family -- that's right, the same people who just made headlines bashing the pro-tolerance cartoon featuring the ambiguously gay Sponge Bob Square Pants. They claimed the video was a ploy to get grade-schoolers to accept homosexuality.

Focus on the Family is a pro-censorship group headed by James Dobson, who in his best-known book, Dare to Discipline, advocated beating children with switches, beginning at the age of 18 months. He is a virulent opponent of homosexuality and the teaching of evolution, among other things.

And Dr. Neil Clark Warren has been along for much of the ride. If you don't believe us, read some of the 14,100 Google hits for "neil clark warren" and "focus on the family." They include his marriage books for Focus on the Family like Finding the Love of Your Life, his articles for Focus on the Family Magazine like "The Cohabitation Epidemic," and his radio appearances with Dobson on the Focus on the Family Show.

And what about eharmony.com? Well, the ads we've heard on raunchy ol' WIP somehow fail to mention anything about religion or Christianity. Yet, scan "the Internets," and you'll see there's a lot of folks who think that eharmony.com is a Christian dating site! Don't believe us? Then read some of the 6,960 Google hits for "eharmony" and "Christian dating service."

You can read this review from christiandatingservice.com, which notes that "this is not an exclusively Christian service, but of the many matches I received, all the ones with which I corresponded were solid Christians." This site says "eHarmony is a values oriented relationship building service for marriage minded singles. Founded by Christian Psychologist and best selling Focus on The Family author Dr. Neil Warren.

So what's wrong with a Christian dating service, founded by a legitimate psychologist with a divinity degree? In theory, nothing. But now that you know the story of eharmony, you probably won't be surprised to learn its policy on same-sex dating (item no. 12):

Based on over 35 years of clinical practice and empirical study, eHarmony has discovered what similarities and differences between men and women lead to their most successful unions. This unprecedented research into compatibility has been conducted with the goal of lowering the rate of unsuccessful marriages and divorce by providing singles with a tool for finding truly compatible matches with whom to pursue a relationship. With this goal in mind, eHarmony's research has only examined heterosexual relationships.

Well, we guess that's legal, and if it isn't there's some folks inside the Beltway who'd be happy to rewrite the law if it isn't. But, what if eharmony turned people away who filled out the questionaire and weren't matched with anyone, because they weren't "spiritual" enough. Well, the facts are murky, but some people are claiming just that.

In August 2003, a man named Kik Bosyk went on "Good Morning America" (sorry, no link) to allege that eharmony found him unsuitable for matching, apparently because he was"a litttle too honest" in filling out the questionaire. "Fortunately, I don't think I'm spiritual or religious enough for their, for their tastes," he told Robin Roberts.

Here's a few other complaints about eharmony that we picked up in just a quick scan of the Web. Do you think eharmony would accept someone whose Web site is named gothicpunkangel? Uh, we didn't think so:

"Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time. "

They couldn't match this poor fellow either.

Frankly, after doing this research, we're starting to wonder whether eharmony.com isn't a little like those "family planning hotlines" run by anti-abortion people. It's more than a little dishonest, in our opinion, for them to advertise in the manner that they do -- without telling people about their emphasis on "spirituality." We're sure that most people who sign up have no idea that so many people think it's "a Christian dating service."

And if they're turning people away on the basis of religion -- well, they can't do that, can they?

Consider yourself now warned about eharmony.com.

Posted on February 6, 2005 09:55 AM