JULIE, personal trainer and former athlete and coach: Let's get one thing straight: You are what you think you are. Sure, there are a plethora of reasons for the cause, creation and manifestation of bad body image. There's only one solution if you want to adhere to the hairbrained expectations about perfect bodies that are telegraphed to women and men through the media and our culture. It's called smoke and mirrors.

Let's say you are 18 years old and think you are supposed to wear a size 6 even though you are 5 foot 7. Or maybe you are a 50-year-old newspaper editor and you want to look like a 30-year-old spokesmodel. After all, that's how we are supposed to look at 18 or 50 despite the wild hormonal changes going on inside our bodies.

So try this exercise: Stop reading this right after this paragraph and go look in the mirror. Look at your entire body for one minute. Now look in your own eyes. Write me a paragraph on your current "body image" in the Comments for this Entry. This is the real you. And he or she is beautiful in many regards.

I am an athlete and I work at keeping in top shape all the time. I like to eat and have been known to drink a beer or two. So I have learned what I have to do to burn extra calories to keep my body the way I feel most comfortable. I know that many Americans have trouble with this. I'd be out of a job if they didn't! Yet there is one thing I have learned in my many years of working with athletes and now working with those trying to get fit. It all starts with a good sense of yourself and peace of mind about what your maker gave you in terms of body shape and athletic gifts.

Even though I have the honor of being among the ranks of All-American athletes, I too work on how to balance all the conflicting messages about body image. I don't start with a diet or compulsive exercise. I start with the wisdom of author, Don Miguel Ruiz , who wrote the book "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom." I try to live my own life using this wisdom, particularly when I have doubts about my own body image or any other seemingly unconquerable issue. I share Ruiz's four agreements with you as you ponder the tough question of body image:

1. Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't take anything personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be a victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

BARBARA,retired teacher, singer and arts & cultural consultant: For countless women, and lots of men, thoughts of body image and the question of what to wear to a social event can create problems. The media over-saturates us with images of Barbie and Ken types wearing the perfect things, drinking the perfect drink from perfect glasses at perfect place settings while dining on perfect food.

At the annual office party, there always seems to be one man and one woman who arrive in stunning attire and manage to stay impeccable all night. Pretty soon an alarm goes off in your head sending an immediate sense of discomfort through you. You spend the rest of the evening feeling self-conscious and wondering why you wore what you wore and why you can't look like Mr. & Ms. Perfect. Women, in particular, are plagued by this self-inflicted scenario.

I've been a full-figure girl for many years. I love wearing nice clothes, hats, shoes, make-up and jewelry. Parties don't scare me and I'm not rattled by ladies who come in smaller sizes. I say, "Let the party begin".

Since I am a performer, a singer to be exact, I have occasions to get really dressed-up in clothes I wouldn't typically wear. I call them my work clothes. I pick out unusual things that are showy or sophisticated and I have fun while I'm on stage.

People say I have style, and if I can have it, so can you. What also helps is a sense of confidence. I know who I am and I don't want or pretend to be anyone else. I do want to improve my body and overall health and that's why I am strength training.

Strength training has rendered lots of pay-offs, too. My body awareness is improved and I have a new sense of energy. My muscles are toning up and they're burning body fat. I'm loosing inches and feeling better than I have in years.

Can you survive those holiday social events regardless of your body type? Of course, you can. First, let's clear up a few myths.

Myth #1: Some People Just Have Perfect Bodies

The person you think has a perfect body would probably change a few things if he or she could. Besides, you can't be anyone else, so the thing to do is to work on a self-improvement plan. Stop beating up on yourself and start being your own best supporter.

Myth # 2: I've Always Looked This Way and I Can't Change

Everyone can change, so start off with a reality body check. Look at yourself realistically and determine your body type. This will help you determine what kinds of clothes look best on you. There are many choices available for each of you.

Myth # 3: Nothing Ever Looks Good On Me

I don't believe that and you shouldn't either. During your realistic body assessment, determine your good attributes. They may be great legs, a pretty neck, nice ears, a warming smile, beautiful hands, nice toes… You get the idea. Remember, it's your body and you need to find some things to love about it. Then look for accessories or ways to enhance the attributes. If your smile is lovely, choose a festive lipstick. Nice hands may demand a holiday manicure and a nice ring or bracelet. A great upper torso may scream out for a beautiful sweater, a blouse or a dress with an alluring neckline. If you have great legs or ankles, there are lots of pants with notches, embroidery and beads at the ankle. Don't forget about a comfortable, killer pair of shoes or boots.

Myth # 4 : I Don't Have Time to Shop, Get My Hair or Nails Done

If you don't have time for self-improvement, you need a paradigm shift and fast.

Start putting yourself first. When you feel good, it carries over into everything else you do. Make the time. It's that simple.

Grab a notebook and a trusted friend and go shopping. Let them know beforehand that you want help choosing some good wardrobe pieces. Also, set the ground rules. You want honesty and help without insults or embarrassment. If you are sensitive this is important to you now. In time you won't care so much and you'll view constructive criticism for what it is.

Salespeople are often very helpful and extremely patient. Go to stores that offer clothes and accessories that fit your body type. Try on varied styles. Determine which ones work for you and jot them down. This will make it easier the next time you go shopping. Everything is not for everybody.

Moral: You Can Look and Feel Good Regardless of Your Body Type

Your shape has nothing to do with holiday season survival. Those who are well-grounded and realistically in touch with their body image are not intimidated. They have figured out holiday and everyday survival.

Work on your body image attitude while you work on your body. Use wellness as your goal. Wellness is a total approach, including the body, mind and soul.

The holiday season causes sadness, high anxiety and depression for many people. This year join us by being determined to rise above it all and play a new record. I suggest Patty LaBelle's "I Got A New Attitude." (Click for an audio sample!)

ELLEN, journalist and fitness dummy: Recently at a business conference, a friend pulled me aside with an ominous look: “You need to stop wearing the fat clothes, Ellen.”

Even though I’ve shrunk in the past year, I still love my loose fitting “fat clothes” that used to be tight. I’m beginning to think this is some ‘fat head” syndrome that I need to work through. I’ve always struggled with my weight and the fat clothes are most likely an insurance policy that if the great uncontrollable pounds come back, I can still go out in public.

Would it be a good idea to pack all of the fat clothes up and send them to charity for the New Year? You tell me.

In other news, we are still waiting for the best gift of fitness so we can award this $25 gift certificate to a Philadelphia-area spa. Come on, come on. We're new at this and there’s not much traffic so the chances of winning are terrific. Don’t you want to treat yourself?
Posted December 17, 2002 12:38 PM