What We Can Do to Help
The study out of the University of California shows that middle school and high school age kids with depressive symptoms engaged in riskier sexual behavior.
Like many studies it just lends more specifics and empirical evidence to something that is just plain common sense. When bummed out or depressed, many will seek comfort in sex as others do in drugs or alcohol. They may think that sex will provide the escape from the isolation that depression brings. Many who are depressed self-medicate and sex can be strong medicine.
Without these higher risks caused by depression the picture is already bleak on teens and irresponsible sex. Teens make up over half of new cases of STD's and have a higher risk of contracting HIV.
Not only should this be a reminder to talk to our kids about the dangers, risks, and responsibilities that come with being sexually active, it should also remind us to keep the lines of communication open not just with our only children, but those we might mentor or know. Parents and others should be on the lookout for signs of depression so that they can lend support and also seek professional help if needed. I won't weigh in on the whole Tom Cruise Lauer interview except to say that while I have often thought our children are far too medicated in this country (ADD? I thought all kids had that), it is true that depression can be debilitating both physical and emotionally and should not be taken lightly.
Warning signs for depression in kids and teens vary from those found in adults. Here are some warning signs I have read about over the years from various publications:
The main problem with this, is that many of the signs of depression are common traits of teenagers going through hormonal changes. It's a change of behavior that tells the tale.
And still it's iffy, since they are just comng into their own. Often, a parent saying good morning sounds critical to the typical teen.
As for medications, most kids who take prescibed medicine do the opposite of using it as a stepping stone (as many parents fear). They know medicine has a purpose, and they have that covered.
While keeping an open dialogue is vital, I've had to backtrack to keep my paranoia from ruining a more trusting relationship with my teens. I've learned to listen to them in the car and not freak out when they mention someone is doing bad things - them talking about it is an act of trust and an opening to ask questiosn wihtout judgement. Be ready to listen when they are in the mood to talk, not when you are!
And keep your fingers crossed!
Posted by: leslie at July 12, 2006 04:17 PMBut calling a teen 'hormonal' doesn't help, Leslie.
However, I do find depression being linked to risky sex, as a study, a bit laughable. I have major depressive disorder. This is not depression, but a step above it in severity. One of the symptoms is having no sex drive at all. Who wants sex when you can barely find it in you to get out of bed in the morning?
Different people respond to their emotions in different ways. It is no different with a mental disorder. Just as all obsessive-compulsive people vary (not all are, in fact, afraid of germs), so do those with depression. When someone has depression, it's not their sexual behavior you must protect them from - you must protect them from themselves. Depression is a self-destructive disease, as all mental disorders are. You cannot run from it.
Teenagers who are diagnosed with depression, or teenagers whose parents think their children have it, are often not suffering from a clinical disorder at all. It is true that hormones push and pull teens in ways they don't think are really happening, but that superficial, you'll get over it one day attitude is not going to stop them from possibly going so far as to commit suicide.
Today, teens live in a world where they are frowned upon by parents and friends if they don't get into a good school immediately after high school. They are pushed and pulled academically in every single direction, they are assaulted by vibrant media that makes reality a sureality. They have a lot of expectations that no one ever eases up for them. It's no wonder why so many teens are hurting themselves today. It's no wonder at all.
Posted by: Karen at July 12, 2006 11:33 PMGreat dialogue ya’ll.
I had to comment a little here as I got to thinking about kids earlier today: I was an email recipient of a video of a Marine dad singing cadence with his little boy in their living room. I normally do not fwd emails, but this one was different. It made my biological clock speed up a bit and it was so darn cute.
So, what was it about that scene of a father and his child that connected with me and why do I mention it here?
In her passionate piece, Flavia, as a good Citizen Hunter and future mom, enlightened us with the many symptoms and signs that the troubled child may have. To me, the comments in response to her shining the light on these issues made me ask myself: How will I know if my child is troubled or just being a child?
As I was searching for that answer my mind kept returning and returning to that video of the father and his son. That father may not have known this at the time, but he was strengthening his bond with his boy with each moment he spent with him. They were learning each other.
And another connection was made. If I know my children with each conversation, each game, each moment, throughout their growing years, I just might be able to arm myself with the knowledge I will need to protect them. More than any drug or therapy, this knowledge will be a powerful shield for that boy as he grows into a man.
And more than crossing my fingers…I will pray.
For there is nothing more powerful on this earth than a father praying with and for his children and a husband praying for and with his wife.
This may not solve all the problems of childhood, but I know that when I am a father one day, I will remember Flavia’s list of symptoms and signs, and how I felt watching a father and son learn each other. Together it will be powerful medicine.