OK, I have been doing some recognizance on our little family here and I have noticed that we are not giving some of the sections much attention, including myself. That's why this week, as you may have noticed, I brought things from the Support and Defend section, Work-at-Home Moms and the Action Center to the front page so that we did not miss any of the great guest blogs or resources. Today, a blog from Recommended books. So keep on talking out front here, but when you have the time, join the conversations in other areas as well. Let me know what books you love and why.
Here's the latest book I have read and loved. Latest, as in, yesterday.
The Memory Keeper's Daughter
(Kim Edwards)
I just finished reading this novel and it is fantastic! How fantastic? Well, I was taking a midday break yesterday and thought I would read a little. My phone rang and my dinner date was waiting downstairs. I had read all day and then asked for a few more minutes to finish the last 15 pages. It is mesmerizing and very well written, but it the story and its universal quality that drew me in the most, knowing there was a lot of wisdom the author shared and that I could steal from her. That is one of the biggest gifts I think authors and characters give us-- to take the lessons they learn into our hearts and use them to help guide us. We read not just for facts, but for perspective. To turn the pages and feel the authors' pain, their voices, to walk in their shoes, to connect ourselves with them. To take away a message, whatever that may be, but a message that matters.
In "The American Scholar," Emerson writes that character is higher than intellect -- moral experience is important to a true education. Emerson reminds us that reading/thinking is a function in which the stream must retreat to its source.
My dad always tells me that a dumb person never learns from his or her mistakes, an average person learns from her own mistakes. But a wise person learns from the mistakes of others. I am average most of the time and being so is actually quite helpful. Making your own mistakes is not a bad thing. I do like to gather some intel, however, so I can try to be wise every once in a while.
Back to the book at hand! The novel begins when Dr. David Henry has to deliver his own twins since there was a terrible storm. One twin, the baby girl Phoebe, is born with Down syndrome and he gives her away to the nurse thinking that this will protect his wife from heartache. It is a deeply moving story of their two parallel lives and the chasm that grows between husband and wife due to the "secret" never revealed. I am sure many share my experience of having hurt, and been hurt, by keeping a secret we think is for the best. It is a cliché, but truth is very healing and empowering - and when not set free, the "secret" can be a cancer that eats away at the trust and intimacy of a relationship.
Keeping the secret has a corrosive effect on everyone. True, the secrets that I have kept or ones kept from me do not rise to this level perhaps, but the more I read the more I realized it almost doesn't matter. Dr. Henry's wife, Norah, has no idea such a secret lurks in his heart; she only knows that for some intuitive reason things that are small tend to aggravate her about him, she feels he is keeping a part of himself locked away, and she wonders why he can not love as completely as she thinks he should. It leads her to act in ways I think are beneath the sweet soul we are first introduced to.
Dr. Henry swims frantically from work to more work like a shark that can't stop swimming for fear of death. He cannot connect fully with those he loves as he knows there is something fraudulent about him. Even hobbies turn to obsessions for how he can master them. He punishes Norah over and over again for her inquiries about what he is keeping, when really he should punish himself. He feels his secret is a "kind penance" - "It is self-destructive, he could see that, but that was the way things were."
And the nurse, Caroline, who was told to take the baby, is trapped and cannot share her truth since Dr. Henry has decided to not share his. He has hijacked her ability to find peace in truth and by infantilizing his wife and deciding she cannot handle the truth, he has taken choices away from her as well.
I think we tell ourselves a silent lie when we think that we are protecting others by keeping a secret or not sharing the whole truth. The truth, I believe, is that we are selfish because messy truth takes courage and time to share. We also show our arrogance in thinking that we know what is best for all parties involved or that the feelings of those we love should not be considered in their wholeness.
What you also learn at the end of the novel, thank goodness, is about the redemptive power of love and that even when truth is shared late, and poorly delivered it can be tremendously healing.
Soak this book up. Let your mind dance with the beautifully crafted language, but take it into your heart as well and find out how it can be a resource for living!
What is important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. - Audre Lorde
Thank you for both the story, and your story about the story. Stories are powerful. They help people connect in a way that numbers and statistics cannot. Sister Helen Prejean felt compelled to challenge the death penalty after hearing the story of Pat Sonnier. Just as listening to others tell their story gives them voice, the way we interpret the stories of others also has a profound effect on us and how we adapt it to our lives. Thomas Merton says it much better than I could when he writes: "if we attempt to do things for others or for the world without deepining our own self-understanding, our own freedom, integrity, and capacity to love, we will not have anything to give to others. We will communicate nothing but our own obsessions, our aggressiveness, our ego-centered ambitions."
By reading in the manner the she did, and adapting it to her life, as she recounts for us her learning about herself, her story of this story is made all the more powerful. The way it was meant be. Thank you.
Anyone who cites Audre Lorde, Sister Prejean, and Thomas Merton in one comment is pretty amazing themselves. Thank you. The writing on the death penalty on this site is worth reading, go check it out. Blown away by this post. I will check in again later.
Posted by: Kevin at August 4, 2006 09:45 AMAfter reading this excellent synopsis is it still necessary to read the book?
Posted by: Bill at August 4, 2006 10:07 AMThe book sounds wonderful, and it sounds like a book that would enrapture me like it did you. As a matter of fact, to some degree, reading your discription makes me want to pick it up and start reading it. However, I think it was after my son's birth that books became a foreign fantasy for me. To a certain degree I am looking forward to the day when I can enjoy many of the things that used to intrigue me. Then again, I am loving this stage of my life and don't want my kids to grow up too fast. Yesterday, was the first full day that my son used the potty. Presently, those are the types of things I have time to be excited about. Thanks for the thumbnail sketch.
Mr. Colgan, All I did was quote some people I admire. What's really amazing is the daughter you raised. And about that death penalty article of hers. Alot of heart and soul goes into her work. This site and what it brings reminds me of one more quote: Taking the first footstep with a good thought, the second with a good word, and the third with a good deed, I entered paradise.-Z And it seems that in that order, you've taught her well, and she is passing it on. From the letters she writes to us, it seems like she'd make a good teacher and from that death penalty article, a loyal and great mom. The apple didn't fall far from the tree. You should be very proud. Thanks.
Posted by: gavin at August 6, 2006 11:24 PMDear gavin
Thank you for your kind words. I have just been blessed to be flavia's father. I'm quite sure I've learned more from her than she has from me. Have a wondeerful day.
Posted by: Kevin at August 9, 2006 01:04 AM