Let's see now. We've had complaints about mice in beer. A "toad" in a McDonald's salad. Chewing gum in a completely different McDonald's salad.
Now comes Russell L. Long (not the son of Huey Long and longtime senator, who happens to be dead), suing over milk he received at a Denny's in Virginia that Long says was filled with maggots.
Maggots, as you probably know, are those puny Marine recruits who get abused by their drill sergeants until they become men. Or die. Whichever.
But for our purposes, they are, as per dictionary.com, "the legless, soft-bodied, wormlike larva of any of various flies of the order Diptera, often found in decaying matter."
Yummy? You bet!
The lawsuit, however, says Long can no longer eat comfortably at restaurants and can no longer enjoy daily family meals or special occasions. The guy just can't get along with food and drink these days.
And he wants $1 million to compensate for his starvation.
Denny's has denied the allegation. It also has said that if maggots were in the milk, it was the fault of the milk provider, Marva Maid Maggoty Milk.
Just playing, Marvy.
At this point we should tell diners that many creepy-crawly creatures, including cockroaches, spiders, worms and old shoes, are filled with nutrients and should be consumed heartily, not condemned in lawsuits.
So get out there and eat a bee for better health!
(The above advice is based strictly on one man's crackpot epidemiology and has no bearing on real life. Caveat emptor.)

Posted at July 27, 2004 12:38 PM