The only thing we really knew about Nantucket before we read the following news was that it was part of a naughty limerick. You remember:

There was an old man from Nantucket
who found his false teeth in a bucket

Ahem. You know the rest.
Now, however, we know that Nantuckites (Nantuckians? Nantucks? Nanooks? What are those people called, anyway?) are a brave bunch of red-white-and-blue patriots.
Some of those Nantu ... Nanto ... folks recently reported seeing an Islamic radical named Amer El-Maati on their exclusive island.
Nantucket now is at its highest terror alert (which we think is mauve).
Agents passed out photos of the real madman, but we suspect that the people who reported seeing him were drunken rich people who have nothing better to do than sit on their riches and watch for creepy characters. You know: President Bush's voter base.
Police were apparently instructed to start chatting with anyone fitting the radical's description and explain to that person that he or she bears a striking resemblance to the bearded bastard.
Last we heard, Maati was still on the loose.

Posted at August 22, 2004 08:14 PM