Sorry we're late with this item, but we got so caught up in the whole "Monday Night Football" situation that we forgot to do our job.
First, let's address that spot on ABC.
Some people consider it racist. Some think it was inappropriate. Many millions of people didn't even see it because they don't have TVs, and they probably wouldn't give a damn anyway. Millions of other people have TVs but didn't watch football. ABC, we're sure, hopes that some of those millions will now tune in "Monday Night Football" just in case the network does another risque bit.
For us, we just want Dennis Miller back. We didn't understand a word he said, but man, was he funny!
Now back to the news: A skin specialist has put forth the theory that pimples exist to stop teenagers from having sex, which increases the risk of pregnancy.
Example: Two girls are walking down the hall at school, and they pass Reggie, the horny sophomore who continually makes rude gestures at them.
One girl says to the other: "Oooooh, it's Pizza Face! Run away! Run away!"
The girls run, and thus intercourse does not occur.
At least with Reggie.
But what about Rock Hardman, the jock with the zitless face and the big ... muscles?
Hey, we don't have any answers. Maybe the girls are gay, which is probably the biggest obstacle to pregnancy we know of. Unless you are that lesbian singer or that lesbian actress or that lesbian writer, all of whom somehow managed to get pregnant.

Posted at November 18, 2004 01:26 PM