For you polyglots out there, "condom" is still "condom" in Korea.
The South Korean Anti-AIDS Federation had considered dropping that English word and using a Korean word.
However, the one they chose is similar to many people's names over there. And many of those people complained. They wanted their name back (whine, whine).
So the federation stuck with "condom."
What babies. Here in the good old U.S. of A., many people have names that are similar to disgusting things, but you don't hear our Dicks and Doloreses and Mulvas complaining, do you???
The exception being Beaver College, of course.

If you enjoyed turkey and gravy soda during last year's holidays, you'll be thrilled to know that its makers are coming out with green bean soda, mashed potato soda, fruitcake soda and cranberry soda.
Jones Soda in Seattle is the culprit. It also makes apple, bubblegum and crushed melon sodas.
So this year you can drink your dinner and still be able to drive home.
If you stop with the pumpkin pie soda.

Many horror stories have been based on technology gone horribly wrong.
We can't think of any at this time, but when we do, we'll add them here.
Now technology has taken us into the most treacherous territory we're ever likely to experience: the cell phone with camera.
In a recent transgression, a teenage boy in Hong Kong dressed as a woman, crept into a women's toilet, hid in a stall, held his phone over the partition and took pictures of women in the next cubicle.
The youth, 17, was discovered by a woman who heard a strange noise and noticed the phone intruding on her privacy.
The teen was arrested and is being investigated.
What shame we humans should feel, abusing these great advances.
And we'll be sure to let you know when those slimy photos hit the Web.

Gooday, mates and mattresses:
You'll recall in our last episode that "Would We Lie?" called for an interplanetary ban on sex.
And our first step toward the peace that awaits us all is promotion of a special "pillow" for women. And it's made in Japan!
Japanese designers have created what they call the Boyfriend Arm Pillow, which according to a more gushy site "will happily hug them to sleep without making any demands."
One of the pillows even comes with an alarm: The "boyfriend" "vibrates" to "wake" the sleeping beauty.
Giving cause for optimism is this quote from somebody connected to the pillow maker: "Women of all ages have been queueing round the block to take one home."
Now all we need is a girlfriend pillow, and we're well on our way to a sex-free society.
And what will such freedom allow us in the future? We'll be able to talk more often to our boyfriends and girlfriends on our cell phones. We'll be able to spend more time at the bar, ogling the opposite sex (or same sex, if you prefer). We can afford more porn channels and Web sites, because we won't be spending so much money to attract members of the opposite (or whatever) sex into our beds (or wherever).
Yes, without sex we'll be able to ... uh, watch sex, listen to sex, taste sex, smell sex, wallow in sex. And all without actually having sex.
But wait a minute. Maybe we've been misled. Maybe sex is Nature's panacea. In addition to procreation, maybe sex provides pleasure in an unpleasant world. Maybe it allows us to show the deep love we feel for our partner. Maybe its various releases keep us from filling up with all sorts of fluids until we explode.
Maybe, just maybe, consensual sex between loving adults, however and wherever it is performed, is the key to WORLD PEACE! ...

Nah.
The sex is still out.

Are these more signs of the end times as prophesied in "Harry Potter and the Last Crusade"?
In Kenya, pigs are mating with stray dogs.
In Arizona, pelicans are flying straight into sidewalks and roads, confusing the paved surfaces for lakes and other bodies of water.
In Canada, a guide dog that understands only French has caused his human companion -- yes, blind companion -- to be kept out of an English class.
And in drought-stricken Australia, thirsty kangaroos -- yes, kangaroos! -- are moving into the suburbs seeking drink and then attacking humans and other animals.
Wasn't it in the Book of Aberration, the final chapter in "Last Crusade," where it was written, "And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats ... "
Or maybe that was "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
Either way, you can be sure they are signs of something nefarious.
So for the time being, don't be turning your backs on any pigs or kangaroos.

We were churning through stories from our wire services when we ran across a lengthy story about obesity in America.
The article was for sale, so we ignored it. "Would We Lie?" has no budget to speak of. But we did note that the topic was the government's slovenly way of handling fat folk. Something about not giving us chubby Americans the proper tools, etc.
So let this be a warning: Without proper diet and exercise, and without proper guidance from the federal government, America soon will be so fat it won't be able to tie its shoes.
We'll go even further: If we as a nation are not careful, we're going to swell up like Mr. Creosote and explode, sending our innards all around the world.
This is a metaphor, by the way. Explode? World covered by goop? Get it?
Of course, if you're not concerned about exploding like an oatmeal-filled balloon, it's your life.

There's plenty of excitement in Sheboygan, Wis., these days. The Kohler Arts Center, according to a press release, has been named the best bathroom in America.
We don't know if Cintas Corp., which conducted America's Best Restroom III contest, meant the whole center or one specific part of it.
But we say CONGRATULATIONS!
And let the Sheboyganites beware: A veritable flood of tourists will be beating at your door, yelling, "Can I use your bathroom? I really gotta ------ (you supply your own bodily function)!"
Nominations for the 2005 contest can be submitted online at www.bestrestroom.com.

Vegans, now you too can fly to the moon and play among the stars. You too can see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.
Yes, space travelers now have a veggie spread to replace all those meat- and dairy-based products they ingest in space. At least, we think they do. But what do we know?
The spread, Veg@eez, was created by a team of Penn State students. It is made from minimally processed spinach, chard, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes and radishes and combined with spices.
Yum, huh?
So our astronauts must be feeling like pigs in ... uh, mud.
First the Chinese develop a space program. Now this.
Which means that sometime soon, spacepersons not only can have their veggies, but they can get their kung pao chicken delivered.

When Google goes public, its creators, bosses and workers are going to make billions. So says a plethora of experts.

Goodie for them.

A less altruistic blog might wish them ill, hope that their stock crashes and leaves them with boats and cars and mansions they can't pay for.

But that's not us. We wish the Google folk well and are confident that they will use their billions of billions of dollars to bring peace to the world, feed the hungry and heal the sick.

Yeah. Sure.

Are you a soon-to-be a Google magnate? Tell us how it feels to be sitting on a gold mine.

You bastards.

You’ve no doubt heard by now that the writers of the MyDoom, Bagel and Netsky viruses are insulting each other in code.

According to ZDNet.co.uk, MyDoom and Bagel have included lines of not-very-nice text aimed at Netsky.

From a recent version of Bagel, according to ZDNet: “Hey, NetSky, f--- off you bitch, don't ruine our bussiness, wanna start a war?”

Netsky’s response: “Skynet AntiVirus - Bagle - you are a looser!!!!”

It’s apparent to us that these virus vermin are what we used to call idiot savants.

The key word there, by the way, is not "savant."